Spouse Hesitant

Both sets of our parents are in their mid-70s and likely would not make the trip overseas. I know both sets of parents would be sad to move overseas, but that is typical, I would think. She is a little more worried about that than I am. I agree, the hard part would be family emergencies. Right now I am about four hours away from my parents anyway, so it's not like I'm close, which is probably the reason it would be a bit easier for me.

That's a tough situation to be in, and I can empathize with you.  I moved back to the US because my mother was getting on in years and needed help.  She has since died, so I am now thinking of leaving the country again.  I was glad, though, to have been here to help her. 

Sorry for your loss. Very tough situation. That's for sure.

So I kind of have this situation. I am retired, my partner is still working. I have always loved lived abroad and being a bit adventurous but he is a home bird, he doesn’t like change. We were moving areas anyway at home and so I suggested we overwintered in Portugal, a few year's back. In my mind, it was to see what it felt like, whether we might find a new life there.

He liked Portugal but nose-dived into a deep depression. It was only when we got back and he was in a steady job again that I realised it had been really difficult for him to cope with changing countries, and the lack of routine that he needs to feel happy.

 But that all holds me back. So, a few years on, I have the money (we are not tied together financially) to buy a place in PT and am going ahead. We have been out, he likes it, and initially it will just be a holiday home. I want him to see the advantages and he does.

However in the back of my mind, I feel I may want to establish my own life over there and go for residency. He sees no reason for him to even consider doing that himself. So I may be looking at residency on my own and with the Schengen Agreement it means we could spend months apart as I have to spend at least 6 months a year there for temporary residency.

Maybe we will drift apart through doing that, maybe it will work, but that is my thinking. I will give him time to get used to enjoying visiting the house there before freaking him out with the residency thing.

I think you have to think about the personality type of your spouse with making this decision, which is why I explained the above. It may just put her permanently out of her comfort zone. She may not want to leave work/established friends and of course her parents.

I don't think of your parents being in their 70s as being elderly but if they feel they won’t be able to visit and she can't just pop back and forth that is quite a thing. Also since these covid times, we all live with the knowledge that you can end up stranded in one country and unable to get back to another country, this may play on her mind.

Just thinking aspidistra - why not just rent somewhere for 6 months and see if you both or just you like it enough to buy somewhere...there are lots of places to rent long term and you can more of feel for the place staying for several months than two weeks ?